Live each day as if it were your last.

Today.

Today was rough for me.

I just need to write.. need to vent.
I just wish I had my best friend here with me. I wish I could talk to her, and smoke a fat ass joint with her right now. I think that would make me feel THAT much better. Pretzels are gross btw.
She seems to be able to cheer me up, even when nothing in my life seems to be right.
She's truely the best friend anyone can ask for.

Today... hurt my heart a little. I need to learn how to not to cry. I guess that's not the smartest idea ever, though. Seeing as how I hold in enough things as it is... holding in more would just make things worse. I do, however, need to learn how to adapt to change, and get used to change. Change is good, I just need to accept that. The past few days have been good days for me - I haven't been down, haven't been sad, but today; Today was rough.

I'm trying to have a new outlook on life: DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
Just kidding.
The new outlook... Live in the moment, and don't look back.

I'm almost 21 years old. I need to get my life in order, and get my ass in gear. I'm not getting any younger.. Yes, I am still young, but fuck, each day I get older.
There are things that I want to do before I die - Skydive. Live a happy and successful life.. Successful to me is.. well... Having a family, having a husband, giving my children the best life I can possibly give them. That is what will be success to me. Family is everything to me. My nieces and my nephews are my world. So I know when I have children of my own, they will be my #1, always. Those are really the only things I want to do before I die.

Some days I just wish I could lay in bed and cry all day, but I realize that laying in bed and crying is just a waste of my time, so I drag my ass outta bed, and I just keep goin'. no matter how hard it seems, I'll still be trying my hardest to keep my head up and be happy.

I am a pretty strong person, but lately I have been so weak...so helpless, that I don't know what to do with myself. I think that I am doin' pretty good at keeping my head up. Once I start my counseling it will help me so much more..help me find out who I am, find out why I am angry, why I am sad so often...help me be happy. (or at least I hope so!)

I dunno what else to say, just needed to vent. Feels good to write =)