So, I read Koala's blog.. she had some quiz thing, so I decided to take it. Here's my results.
Pretty interesting. & it really does sum me up. I was gonna blog, but now I can't think of much..
I do realize that I have alot of issues I need to deal with, and I'm gonna go to counseling soon, just waiting on my doctor to call me. No calls yet, though. Ugh, Idk what I was going to write.
Fuck it =)
9.29.2009
What would you do?
What would you do if you woke up one morning.. and had nothing.. no one.
You tried to call your family, say's the phone number is not in service. You try to contact friends... again, phone number out of service. You start to panic and run outside. There's no one there. No vehicles, no stores...nothing. You are in a world where no one exists but you.. You have no family, no friends, nobody to talk to. You don't know what happened, why you are in a place with nothing, but you are scared.
Wind starts blowing, and you hear a scream.. are you hearing things, or did you actually hear that scream? You start walking, you don't know where you're going, but you can see for miles. It's a huge flat ground, that goes forever.
As you're walking you hear a breathing noise behind you. You whip your head around and see nothing. You start walking faster.. you hear it again, but louder, closer to you. You look back, nothing. You start running, fast, you keep looking back, scared. You hear the scream again, but this time its right behind you.. it scared you.. you fell. You turn around, and you see a black figure.. you realize you're standing face to face with yourself. All you see in the eyes is darkness, sadness. You see tears roll down your face. You whisper "You will always be alone." And then just like that.. you're gone.
HOLY SHIT I'M HIGH.
I was just listening to an intense song, and thats all I could picture what that song video would be like.... Wait, does that make sense?
Oh my. I'm.. effed. I have to go and call Temina.
You tried to call your family, say's the phone number is not in service. You try to contact friends... again, phone number out of service. You start to panic and run outside. There's no one there. No vehicles, no stores...nothing. You are in a world where no one exists but you.. You have no family, no friends, nobody to talk to. You don't know what happened, why you are in a place with nothing, but you are scared.
Wind starts blowing, and you hear a scream.. are you hearing things, or did you actually hear that scream? You start walking, you don't know where you're going, but you can see for miles. It's a huge flat ground, that goes forever.
As you're walking you hear a breathing noise behind you. You whip your head around and see nothing. You start walking faster.. you hear it again, but louder, closer to you. You look back, nothing. You start running, fast, you keep looking back, scared. You hear the scream again, but this time its right behind you.. it scared you.. you fell. You turn around, and you see a black figure.. you realize you're standing face to face with yourself. All you see in the eyes is darkness, sadness. You see tears roll down your face. You whisper "You will always be alone." And then just like that.. you're gone.
HOLY SHIT I'M HIGH.
I was just listening to an intense song, and thats all I could picture what that song video would be like.... Wait, does that make sense?
Oh my. I'm.. effed. I have to go and call Temina.
9.27.2009
More cowbell.
So, I went out last night for my birthday. I had a blast!
My sister & mom bought me a cake. Christianne made me one, they were both really good.
I got off work at 8, went straight to my sisters, and went bowling by 9. I had sooo much fun bowling, my mom was hilarious. Then we went back to my sisters and had cake and drank some more, then we made our way to the bar. When I was at the bar, Christianne bought me 20 shots, but I only had 10 of em, and 5 dirty hookers, and some tequila shots at my sisters. I drank alot last night, but I also smoked alot of ... too.
Ohhhh man, the thing that would have completed my birthday would have been having my love of my life here... Temina. :D
I'm definitely going to Ottawa at the end of Oct or beginning of Nov so me and her can party like its 1899. Bahahahaha.
Yesterday was a pretty brutal day before I started partying..
I woke up at 2:45, had to be at work for 3. Went to go shower...no hot water.. went to go get a drink and water sprayed all over the place... then I went to leave, and tripped on the mat and fell.. THEN I went to get into my car and smacked my head on the corner of the door. By the time I got to work it was 3:15, so ALL of that shit happened within 30 mins. What a great start to my day.
Temina the Koala bear called me at 9am today and pretty much raped me through the phone... I loved it! ;)
So I don't know what else to write so I'm going now.
My sister & mom bought me a cake. Christianne made me one, they were both really good.
I got off work at 8, went straight to my sisters, and went bowling by 9. I had sooo much fun bowling, my mom was hilarious. Then we went back to my sisters and had cake and drank some more, then we made our way to the bar. When I was at the bar, Christianne bought me 20 shots, but I only had 10 of em, and 5 dirty hookers, and some tequila shots at my sisters. I drank alot last night, but I also smoked alot of ... too.
Ohhhh man, the thing that would have completed my birthday would have been having my love of my life here... Temina. :D
I'm definitely going to Ottawa at the end of Oct or beginning of Nov so me and her can party like its 1899. Bahahahaha.
Yesterday was a pretty brutal day before I started partying..
I woke up at 2:45, had to be at work for 3. Went to go shower...no hot water.. went to go get a drink and water sprayed all over the place... then I went to leave, and tripped on the mat and fell.. THEN I went to get into my car and smacked my head on the corner of the door. By the time I got to work it was 3:15, so ALL of that shit happened within 30 mins. What a great start to my day.
Temina the Koala bear called me at 9am today and pretty much raped me through the phone... I loved it! ;)
So I don't know what else to write so I'm going now.
9.26.2009
I just wanna scream.....your mothers name... in bed.
I'm pretty sure I was in a GREAT mood like two hours ago, and now.. I'm in the worst mood ever. I could just freak out right now.. & the reason why I'm in a bad mood? I have no fucking clue.
I'm at work. The time seems like it's going by SO slow. I think I'm just super excited for tomorrow night, but at the same time, I'm not too excited because I don't wanna be tired.. I want to get really drunk and have fun. HOPEFULLY I will have fun.. and hopefully I'll get completely smashed.. to the point where I don't know my own name. I hate getting really drunk, though... only because I hate being drunk and having no one to take care of my drunk ass. Soooo I dunno.
I'm so miserable tonight. I don't wanna talk to anyone right now, or see anyone. I just want to be alone.
When I'm this bitchy, I just like being alone to calm down and try to not be so cranky... I don't wanna be rude to people for no reason, or treat people who I care about like shit.
I just realized I am so random. I talk about one thing, and it just leads to something completely different. Oh myyyyy.
There are just some customers who I wish I could tell to fuck off and never come back.. but I'm pretty sure that would cost me my job.
Yup. I love that song. Haven't listened to Atreyu in a LONGGG ass time. Same with A7X, The Used, Disturbed, Finch.. ohh mann, I used to listen to soo much music. What happened?! lol
I think I'm starting to cheer up a bit. I need a cigarette.
Nope. That didn't really help.
Fuck this blog...
well for tonight at least.
I'm at work. The time seems like it's going by SO slow. I think I'm just super excited for tomorrow night, but at the same time, I'm not too excited because I don't wanna be tired.. I want to get really drunk and have fun. HOPEFULLY I will have fun.. and hopefully I'll get completely smashed.. to the point where I don't know my own name. I hate getting really drunk, though... only because I hate being drunk and having no one to take care of my drunk ass. Soooo I dunno.
I'm so miserable tonight. I don't wanna talk to anyone right now, or see anyone. I just want to be alone.
When I'm this bitchy, I just like being alone to calm down and try to not be so cranky... I don't wanna be rude to people for no reason, or treat people who I care about like shit.
I just realized I am so random. I talk about one thing, and it just leads to something completely different. Oh myyyyy.
There are just some customers who I wish I could tell to fuck off and never come back.. but I'm pretty sure that would cost me my job.
Yup. I love that song. Haven't listened to Atreyu in a LONGGG ass time. Same with A7X, The Used, Disturbed, Finch.. ohh mann, I used to listen to soo much music. What happened?! lol
I think I'm starting to cheer up a bit. I need a cigarette.
Nope. That didn't really help.
Fuck this blog...
well for tonight at least.
9.22.2009
I just want to punch a baby somedays.
Well since I'm still awake, I might as well write.
I just ate A&W. It was good, I suppose. I want to call Temina and wake her white, mexican ass up.
Just kidding
I have lots to do today, and I'm not tired anymore.
I gotta clean my dads house... Hang out with Christianne for a bit.
Rent some movies, return some movies, and kill some people.
I wonder if anyone comes across this thing and reads my posts and says "Wow, this chick is insane"
I'm actually not... well, not too much.
I have a few goals for myself that I want to accomplish by next summer (Yeah, seems like a long time, but I need the time)
- Lose weight.
- Attempt to quit smoking.
- Finish my highschool, or get my GED.
- Get out of Marathon... Ottawa sounds good.
- BEAT MY BOYFRIEND IN HIS SLEEP.
The last one, is my main goal, and I WILL accomplish that.
I have to go to bed now.. people are gay.
I just ate A&W. It was good, I suppose. I want to call Temina and wake her white, mexican ass up.
Just kidding
I have lots to do today, and I'm not tired anymore.
I gotta clean my dads house... Hang out with Christianne for a bit.
Rent some movies, return some movies, and kill some people.
I wonder if anyone comes across this thing and reads my posts and says "Wow, this chick is insane"
I'm actually not... well, not too much.
I have a few goals for myself that I want to accomplish by next summer (Yeah, seems like a long time, but I need the time)
- Lose weight.
- Attempt to quit smoking.
- Finish my highschool, or get my GED.
- Get out of Marathon... Ottawa sounds good.
- BEAT MY BOYFRIEND IN HIS SLEEP.
The last one, is my main goal, and I WILL accomplish that.
I have to go to bed now.. people are gay.
Live each day as if it were your last.
Today.
Today was rough for me.
I just need to write.. need to vent.
I just wish I had my best friend here with me. I wish I could talk to her, and smoke a fat ass joint with her right now. I think that would make me feel THAT much better. Pretzels are gross btw.
She seems to be able to cheer me up, even when nothing in my life seems to be right.
She's truely the best friend anyone can ask for.
Today... hurt my heart a little. I need to learn how to not to cry. I guess that's not the smartest idea ever, though. Seeing as how I hold in enough things as it is... holding in more would just make things worse. I do, however, need to learn how to adapt to change, and get used to change. Change is good, I just need to accept that. The past few days have been good days for me - I haven't been down, haven't been sad, but today; Today was rough.
I'm trying to have a new outlook on life: DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
Just kidding.
The new outlook... Live in the moment, and don't look back.
I'm almost 21 years old. I need to get my life in order, and get my ass in gear. I'm not getting any younger.. Yes, I am still young, but fuck, each day I get older.
There are things that I want to do before I die - Skydive. Live a happy and successful life.. Successful to me is.. well... Having a family, having a husband, giving my children the best life I can possibly give them. That is what will be success to me. Family is everything to me. My nieces and my nephews are my world. So I know when I have children of my own, they will be my #1, always. Those are really the only things I want to do before I die.
Some days I just wish I could lay in bed and cry all day, but I realize that laying in bed and crying is just a waste of my time, so I drag my ass outta bed, and I just keep goin'. no matter how hard it seems, I'll still be trying my hardest to keep my head up and be happy.
I am a pretty strong person, but lately I have been so weak...so helpless, that I don't know what to do with myself. I think that I am doin' pretty good at keeping my head up. Once I start my counseling it will help me so much more..help me find out who I am, find out why I am angry, why I am sad so often...help me be happy. (or at least I hope so!)
I dunno what else to say, just needed to vent. Feels good to write =)
Today was rough for me.
I just need to write.. need to vent.
I just wish I had my best friend here with me. I wish I could talk to her, and smoke a fat ass joint with her right now. I think that would make me feel THAT much better. Pretzels are gross btw.
She seems to be able to cheer me up, even when nothing in my life seems to be right.
She's truely the best friend anyone can ask for.
Today... hurt my heart a little. I need to learn how to not to cry. I guess that's not the smartest idea ever, though. Seeing as how I hold in enough things as it is... holding in more would just make things worse. I do, however, need to learn how to adapt to change, and get used to change. Change is good, I just need to accept that. The past few days have been good days for me - I haven't been down, haven't been sad, but today; Today was rough.
I'm trying to have a new outlook on life: DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
Just kidding.
The new outlook... Live in the moment, and don't look back.
I'm almost 21 years old. I need to get my life in order, and get my ass in gear. I'm not getting any younger.. Yes, I am still young, but fuck, each day I get older.
There are things that I want to do before I die - Skydive. Live a happy and successful life.. Successful to me is.. well... Having a family, having a husband, giving my children the best life I can possibly give them. That is what will be success to me. Family is everything to me. My nieces and my nephews are my world. So I know when I have children of my own, they will be my #1, always. Those are really the only things I want to do before I die.
Some days I just wish I could lay in bed and cry all day, but I realize that laying in bed and crying is just a waste of my time, so I drag my ass outta bed, and I just keep goin'. no matter how hard it seems, I'll still be trying my hardest to keep my head up and be happy.
I am a pretty strong person, but lately I have been so weak...so helpless, that I don't know what to do with myself. I think that I am doin' pretty good at keeping my head up. Once I start my counseling it will help me so much more..help me find out who I am, find out why I am angry, why I am sad so often...help me be happy. (or at least I hope so!)
I dunno what else to say, just needed to vent. Feels good to write =)
9.14.2009
I can categorically say that you are not a bigger banana-head.
There's so many things in my life that I could have done, but just didn't. I was too scared to do certain things. I could have been out of Marathon by now... away from here.. I wouldn't be in this position I'm in... but it just seems I always screw something good up. I'm glad I have this second chance. This time I'm going to do this right, going to make things right, and be where I want to be.
I'm planning a trip to go see Temina. I'm excited, and nervous. I'm excited to see her, nervous to see what Ottawa is like.. I'm afraid I'm going to fall in love with the place right away and not want to leave. I'm hoping that we can do a lot while I'm there.. which will definitely involve smoking some.... herbs... =\. I wanna go there, see all of Ottawa, punch some old people.. Feed pigeons and throw them into moving vehicles. Isn't that what normal people do in Ottawa?
I figure.. I'm moving in with my dad soon. Gonna save some money, and well... I hate to admit it.. but I'm going to try alt ed again.. key word TRY. I am going to put my all into it, but with the amount Ive been working, it's gonna be hard. I'm not gonna stress myself over it, though. If I can't keep up with the work, I will drop out; once again. I always have my plan b though, which is take my GED.
My dad was talking to me today, telling me I should move to Alberta, and look for work there. He also said the Yukon.. and NWT =D. I told him I wouldn't go to Alberta, too crowded there for me. He said he can try talking to his old boss, up in Snap Lake, and see if he can get me a job there working two weeks in, two weeks out. Idk if I would like that though... There's more to it then that, why I wouldn't like it.. but I'm not talking about it.
This blog is pretty random today.. I just need to spill whatever is on my mind.
I don't know much, but there is one thing I do know. I know that I want TRUE happiness in my life... I know I will have it one day, but until I can be where I want to be.. I won't be fully happy.
BLAH.
I dunno why I keep typing. I guess just to pass time. I'll shut up now..
I'm definitely writing another blog later, though. Unless it gets busy here at work.
I'm planning a trip to go see Temina. I'm excited, and nervous. I'm excited to see her, nervous to see what Ottawa is like.. I'm afraid I'm going to fall in love with the place right away and not want to leave. I'm hoping that we can do a lot while I'm there.. which will definitely involve smoking some.... herbs... =\. I wanna go there, see all of Ottawa, punch some old people.. Feed pigeons and throw them into moving vehicles. Isn't that what normal people do in Ottawa?
I figure.. I'm moving in with my dad soon. Gonna save some money, and well... I hate to admit it.. but I'm going to try alt ed again.. key word TRY. I am going to put my all into it, but with the amount Ive been working, it's gonna be hard. I'm not gonna stress myself over it, though. If I can't keep up with the work, I will drop out; once again. I always have my plan b though, which is take my GED.
My dad was talking to me today, telling me I should move to Alberta, and look for work there. He also said the Yukon.. and NWT =D. I told him I wouldn't go to Alberta, too crowded there for me. He said he can try talking to his old boss, up in Snap Lake, and see if he can get me a job there working two weeks in, two weeks out. Idk if I would like that though... There's more to it then that, why I wouldn't like it.. but I'm not talking about it.
This blog is pretty random today.. I just need to spill whatever is on my mind.
I don't know much, but there is one thing I do know. I know that I want TRUE happiness in my life... I know I will have it one day, but until I can be where I want to be.. I won't be fully happy.
BLAH.
I dunno why I keep typing. I guess just to pass time. I'll shut up now..
I'm definitely writing another blog later, though. Unless it gets busy here at work.
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